"The impediment to action advances action. What
stands in the way becomes the way.", Marcus Aurelius
We'd all like to
think we are rational beings first, but the reality is we're emotional first
and logical second. I remember the first
became conscious of this - it was when an ABC radio program was talking about
the "debt-snowball method" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Debt-snowball_method). Logically it makes sense to pay down the debt
with the highest interest rate, but this method does something different - it
targets the smallest debt first.
The key point the
proponent of the debt-snowball method was making was that attempting the
logical thing was (emotionally) overwhelming to his clients and, when
overwhelmed, they would often make their situation worse!
Gambling
is particularly insidious for people in a debt crisis as each little
"win" gives them the illusion of progress, when the reality is the
system is engineered for them to (on average) lose.
I've seen this
emotional overwhelm also happen in the work environment. When I worked at EDS, I saw onboarded teams
transform from "poor" to "great" just by providing them a
way to transfer or escalate risks and issues to someone who could and would
help. I've seen this with my teams as
well - a few small wins can make a huge transformational change in confidence
and achievements.
It was only when my
neighbour, an awesome therapist who often works with veterans who suffer from
PTSD, recently introduced me to the concept of the "window of
tolerance" that I finally grokked (got the gestalt of) what underpins the
debt-snowball method. This concept says
that development, or change, can only occur in the emotional
"goldilocks" zone of discomfort: neither relaxed or overwhelmed. It necessarily also needs structure.
Key symptoms of
emotional overwhelm - individually and organizationally - are described
beautifully in Carol Dweck's book, "Mindset" and Stephen Covey's
book, "7 Habits..". The two
key mind-set dimensions I use are:
- Internal: fixed versus growth mind-sets;
- External: scarcity versus abundance mind-sets.
The book, Mindset,
describes how this manifests individually and I've also seen this manifest at
scale in the workplace. I've been in an
environment where "manage by story" trumped "manage by evidence"
and it isn't fun; the only people who thrived in these conditions were
comforters (schmoozers) and blamers (snipers).
Once you know you
are outside the zone of tolerance (personally or professionally) how do you
solve this? An answer to this is in a surprising place - Toastmasters. Their process is often unspoken and
fiendishly simple:
- Find a friendly audience (or coach) that will help you stay in the "zone" through:
- Emotional support (prefer shared experience) and encouragement.
- Feedback delivered in an emotionally effective way.
- Find a structured approach to the technical aspect of what you are trying to learn or achieve
- Learn a small technique (see the debt-snowball method)
- Practice the technique by taking risks that keep you in and help you expand the "goldilocks" zone of discomfort.
- Slowly add to your technique library and practice until you reach the desired level.
- Avoid the siren's call of "false comforts"
- Fixed mind-set! Especially the avoidance or rejection of discomfort
- Superstitious thinking - always validate with evidence. Accept not knowing.
For me this
framework has completely revolutionized how I deal with my discomfort - it is
now something to be mindfully optimized!
There are a couple of key caveats to this:
- Choosing what domain to optimize discomfort in is just as important as what you decide not to - be true to your calling, purpose or mission.
- The training principle of periodization (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sports_periodization), or advancement by oscillation, applies - rest is just as important as action. The pomedoro technique is a good example of this.
- These optimizations are domain specific but they do (consciously and unconsciously) transfer between domains.
I'd recommend anyone
starting this practice begin with physical exercise for two main reasons: it is
relatively simple to measure discomfort (heart rate), measure progress
(duration) and has a host of secondary benefits. Read the book "Spark: the revolutionary
new science of exercise and the brain" by Ratey and Hagerman for more
detailed information.
The approach for an
organization is different in that instead of finding a supportive audience, it
is leadership's role to create that supportive environment for the
culture. It is important to note that a
culture that is in overwhelm (technical or emotional) will fight change much,
much more than a normal organisation.
Notes:
- Window of tolerance - coined by Daniel Siegel in the book "Mindsight"
- Book at: https://www.amazon.com/Mindsight-New-Science-Personal-Transformation/dp/0553386395
- Image from: https://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Treatment-Meaning-Centered-Foundational-Phase-Work/dp/0984640886
- Mindset: https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck-ebook/dp/B000FCKPHG
- Abundance vs Scarcity: https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful-ebook/dp/B00GOZV3TM
- Spark: https://www.amazon.com/Spark-Revolutionary-Science-Exercise-Brain-ebook/dp/B000SFD21Q
- Advancement by oscillation comes from the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ARPEJC8/
I believe this is one of
the key attributes of emotional maturity - learning to regulate and articulate
our discomfort.
